I Got a Lot of Long PokéWalking to Do

Okay, let's start with some good news: I am now up to 126 Pokémon, which means I've now completed just over 25% of my Pokédex. I've also made mincemeat of all 16 gym trainers, of both the Johto and the Kanto varieties. I think it's fair at this point to infer that I'm a whirling dervish of Pokéjustice, sweeping up any trainer who dares come between me and my path of destruction.

Now let's move on to the bad news: due to some glitch somewhere, I had to reset my Pokéwalker. Now, I didn't lose any Pokémon in the process, but what it means is that all my progress towards unlocking all the possible routes in the device has been erased. Basically, I lost 25,000 “Watts” on the fucking thing. Considering that you unlock one Watt for every 20 steps you take, I need to walk half a million goddamn bastard steps just to cover the progress I lost. I'm really tempted to just tape the Pokéwalker to the blade of a fan and let spin for a few days, but I'm not going to go that route. I'm going to unlock those routes the honest way, step by motherfucking step.



Back to good news: I've managed to outsource some of my Pokécatching. This weekend, I made a deal with my girlfriend: she'd learn how to play Pokémon and help me catch 'em all, and in return I'd behave myself at her uncle's funeral.

One funeral – and exactly 0 sacred urns toppled – later, I slid her my copy of Pokémon Pearl, which I was going to reset anyways, and told her she could start a new game. And start a new game she did. Considering she's never played one of these games in her life, I think she's doing a good job so far (although Chimchar? Really?)

So now, while I'll be catching the Pokémon of the Johto and Kanto regions (and when I start playing Ruby again, the Hoenn region), Rebecca will be a force to be reckoned with in the Sinnoh region. Hell, she's only played for about an hour and she's already caught a Bidoof, Starly, and Shinx. Soon, they will be mine.

In terms of my game, the progress has been equally palpable. My Magby, whom I named Hallyne, evolved into a Magmar. I also evolved Nero the Spearow, Muad'Dib the Sandshrew, Resetti the Diglett, and Norm Bates the Cubone into a Fearow, Sandslash, Dugtrio, and Marowak, respectively. I also caught myself a Snorlax on my first ball (a Heavy Ball, if you must know), and named him Chien-Po. I also caught a level 2 Poochyena (Nymeria).

Finally, Ryuk the Duskull evolved into the much-less-adorable Dusclops. He kinda looks retarded now but whatever I have a Reaper Cloth so I'm going to evolve him again ASAP.



But first, I'm going to go run a few goddamn laps around the house with my Pokéwalker