It's been a while, Totodile

Two and a half years ago...
The wind atop Mt. Silver bit deep into my bones, but I hardly noticed the chill. My blood coursed hot and strong that night, as my battle with the mysterious trainer known only as Red drove on into the early hours. I had fought him once before, yet had known only bitter defeat.

He had beaten me. But he had not broken me.

Since my last defeat, I had trained harder than before. I had fought Gym Leaders from across the regions Johto and Kanto, adapting and honing with each new victory. I had studied my silent foe, learning his strengths, as well as his weaknesses.

My Pokémon were strong. And they were brave. And they were hungry.

The battle with Red was not an easy one. The white snow of Mt. Silver took on a crimson hue as our Pokémon exchanged blow after blow. The earth trembled when Red's Snorlax was felled by a well-placed low kick, delivered by my faithful Electivire, Electro. Where Snorlax fell, a new canyon was born.

It is said that on that day, people looked to the skies above Mt. Silver, saw the fury of lightning dancing overhead, and knew that the gods were angry. They would have despaired had they known the truth: at that moment, Red's Pikachu had entered the battle. He looked to Moloch, my Nidoking and general-in-arms, and ended him with one whispered word.

That word was "no."

Moloch fell. Ulysses fell. Ryuk stumbled. Before Pikachu could end him as he did the others, the Dusknoir laid a curse upon the yellow beast. Ryuk was lost, but he took the foul demon with him.

In the end, Red was left with one Pokémon: the dreaded Charizard. Though the creature fought valiantly, no matter how valiantly one fights, one cannot escape its nature. Charizard is Fire type. My Feraligatr was Water type. It could only end one way.

When the smoke cleared, Red was kneeling in the red snow, looking down at his slain companions. I approached, limping slightly, though invigorated by my victory. I stood above him. Slowly, he turned his face towards me...

...yet all I could see were my own features staring back at me.

I stumbled. Was this to be my future? A life of perfection and mastery, but also one of solitude? Would battle and training be all I know? My victory evaporated before my eyes. On shaking legs, I turned, and I ran.

Present Day

Hi. Okay.

I know, I know. It's been, what? Two and a half years since my last post? You don't need to say anything. You're disappointed in me. I can understand that.

Things were going so well, too. Last time you heard from me, I caught a Zapdos, legendary thunder bird. And then, nothing. Not even a short update saying I'm still alive. That's not fair to you. I'm sorry.

My last post may have been in July of 2010, but I didn't stop then. Honest. Throughout the summer, I worked hard, evolving my team and catching new Pokémon, primarily through the Pokéwalker. I even caught a Latias named Knuckles thanks to the Enigma Stone Wi-Fi event. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to blog about these milestones, mainly because it was family vacation season and I was constantly out of the city.

The summer culminated in one of my biggest achievements: the defeat of trainer Red. As mentioned above, it was a hard battle, but I emerged victorious.

But something happened after that. I lost a lot of momentum. Having gone a month or so without publicly documenting my progress, coupled with the lack of drive that followed Red's defeat, many of my achievements felt more trivial from then on. I continued my progress, but at a much slower pace, catching only a few Pokémon a month. Finally, on March of 2011, most likely because of the arrival of the 3DS, I put down Soul Silver and didn't pick it back up again.

A lot's happened in the few years since. In summer of 2011, I quit my retail job so that I could tackle writing full time. It's been slow going, but I've had a few comic scripts published, and even wrote a short film that's being shown later this month (for more on my writing, check out my other blog). Still, all this time I've looked at "Gots Ta Catch 'Em All" with some shame at giving up. But it was more of a casual shame, one that I didn't really have the motivation to do anything about.

Until now.

Three days ago, Nintendo announced that Pokémon X and Y, the sixth generation of the series, would be released worldwide for the 3DS later this year. As I watched the Nintendo Direct feed, something within me started to awaken. A flame that had gone out two years previously began to reignite.

I fired up my old SoulSilver game, where all my old friends waited. Tokek the Feraligatr. Moloch the Nidoking. Electro. Ulysses. Ryuk.

"Hey guys," I mumbled sheepishly. "It's been a while, hasn't it?"

They were silent.

"Look, I know I let you guys down. But do you think... maybe... we could try again?"

"Nidoking!" replied Moloch happily. And off we went.

So yeah, I'm going to make another try at all this. I know the going's going to get tough. But hopefully by the time Pokémon X and Y are released in October, I'll be well on my way to catching all 493...

... wait. There are 649 now!?

God DAMNIT.

I love my Duskull

A few more entries to the 'Dex. Caught a male Slugma (Magmus) and a Ditto (Mystique). I evolved my Smoochum (whom I named Blondie) into a Jynx, and my Sentret (whom I named Crockett) evolved into a Furret. I also caught a Volbeat, Natu, Carvanha, Wailmer, and Kecleon on Pokéwalker. This means I've only added about 9 Pokémon to my Pokédex in the past 4 days.

That's because I've been training the newest addition to my lineup, my Duskull.

Like Electro when he was just an Elekid, my Duskull is simply a joy to behold. He looks adorable following me around like some evil spectre of death. Of course, raising him has been something of a chore. Since he's still in his basic evolutionary stage, he's pretty weak and susceptible to KO's quite often. Still, I know that all the bumps and scratches will be worth it, and he'll realize his true potential, just like Electro and Moloch have before him.

Anyways, here's a picture I drew of my Duskull, Ryuk, devouring the souls of his enemies.



Welcome to the lineup, little man! Hope you survive the experience!

Elite Beat Agent

One reason why I started this project was to see whether my Pokémastery has improved any since I started playing this franchise over a decade ago. So far, I'm doing alright, but haven't been noticing any visible improvements in my game now that I'm an adult. In fact, in many cases, I'm having a harder time of it. It was pretty disheartening, when I thought about it.

But never mind that. I just got my vindication at about 2 a.m. this morning, when I beat the Elite Four. On my first try.



I know, I know. So what? Well, I'll tell you what.

So for every game since the original Pokémons Blue and Red, the adventure would culminate with your character challenging the Elite Four, a collection of the toughest Pokétrainers in the region. If you manage to do that, you become the new Champion, and essentially beat the game. Sounds easy, sure, except:

1. You have to beat each one consecutively, Gauntlet-style.
2. They all use pretty high-level Pokémon, usually higher than most of yours when you first arrive to challenge them.
3. For some reason, there are five members of the Elite Four.

What this basically means, or at least meant for me as a child, is that you generally have to fight them and fail a few times, levelling up your Pokémon in the meantime, before you're able to successfully defeat them. But not this time.

This time, even though I went in with generally shitty Pokémon (no offence guys, but only two of you were above level 40, the rest levelled 25-33), I managed to knock the boots with Will, Koga, Bruno, Karen, and Lance, and emerge victorious. On my first try.

(Okay I just looked up the term “Knock the Boots” to make sure I was using it correctly, and apparently it means “have sexual intercourse [with]”. So for the record, I did not use that term correctly. Or did I?)



So thank you to Morpheus, Moloch, Electro, Ulysses, Tokek, and ChickenBoo. You guys did great. Welcome to the Hall of Fame.

So now that I've beaten the Elite Four, does that mean I'm done the game? Well no, not even close. HeartGold and SoulSilver, like its predecessors, are unique in that after you beat the Elite Four Plus One, a path opens to a whole new region, Kanto (which is actually the setting of the original games). This means I'm practically halfway through the storyline. It's also good, though, since a whole slew of Pokémon become available to me. On my Pokéwalker alone, new paths are being opened up once I get my National Pokédex.

Speaking of Pokédex, let's talk about my progress.

Since my last Pokédex report, I've mentioned catching my Lugia, Ulysses, but there have been quite a few other additions as well. I'm also the owner of a level 23 male Tangela (Mr. Tickle), and level 22 male Delibird (Dedede), and a level 21 female Swinub (Alice).

I also returned to the Safari zone, where I caught a level 15 male Sandshrew named Muad'Dib (I am currently reading Dune for the first time ever). On my Pokéwalker, I've caught a Krabby, Psyduck, and a Spearow. The Spearow was the last Pokémon I could catch on my Pokéwalker with the amount of routes available to me, but now that I'm about to get a National Pokédex, more routes (and more Pokémon!) should be forthcoming.

In terms of evolution, Maraxus evolved into a Machoke while traveling through victory road, and Morpheus evolved into a Hypno while fighting the Elite Four. Electro, bless that little tyke, evolved into an Electabuzz. I would love to evolve him further into an Electivire, but need and Electirizer to do so, which from what I understand will take a while to find. Oh well.



Right now I've added Terra to my lineup. When she evolves into a Graveler I'll have the four original Trade Evolutions, and will evolve them all accordingly.

Day 23 Pokédex count: Seen 184, caught 86
Professor Oak says: Do you have a Fishing Rod? There are some Pokémon that can only be found by fishing!

Yes I have a fucking Fishing Rod, Professor!

Day 14 - Over 10% Done

Okay, so feeling pretty good. As of about 3 o'clock this morning, I've caught 10% of 'em all.

And I'm just getting warmed up.

So far I've been pretty happy with my progress, but even I can admit that this is just the beginning. I'm still finding new wild Pokémon just traveling from city to city. We'll see what happens after I beat the Elite Four, when I have to start cracking down and really struggle to fill the gaps left in my Pokédex.

To begin with, I don't even have the faintest idea how I'm going to track down those Pokémon that can only be given away at certain events. I suppose I'll need to, you know, actually attend these events, despite the fact that most of them are limited to the U.S. It's not impossible. I may have to learn how to drive, however – something I've dreaded doing my entire life. Either that or find another few Pokémasters in training who are old enough to drive and organize the gayest (sorry, “lamest”) road trip since, I dunno, Thelma and Louise.

Another problem I may need to address is the fact that I don't really have a working Wi-Fi connection at my disposal. Now, that's no problem at the moment, but when I start needing to look for Pokémon beyond the three games I own (SoulSilver, Ruby, Pearl), I will in all likelihood need to trade via the Wi-Fi system. As it stands, I can't really do that.

My solution at the moment is the same thing I did to download the Yellow Forest Pokéroute for my Pokéwalker: walk up and down my street trying to look for an open connection every five feet or so. It ultimately works okay, but unfortunately I look really creepy standing on people's lawns like some local pervert. So yeah, will probably need to find a better Wi-Fi alternative.

In terms of progress, there were a few shakeups in my lineup these past few days. Egg Shen and Hedwig both evolved, turning into a Togechik and Noctowl, respectively. Great job, guys! Unfortunately, this means I have no more use for you, so back in the PC Box you go, probably forever.

Moloch also evolved into a Nidoking (as I said before, perhaps my favourite Pokémon). Unlike Egg Shen and Hedwig, I plan to keep him in my lineup permanently, so I'm obviously not getting rid of him any time soon.


In place of Hedwig I've brought in ChickenBoo the Pidgey. Egg Shen's place has been filled out by the Elekid I caught with my Pokéwalker, whom I've christened Electro, named after my all-time favourite comic book villain.

And can I just say that I love this little guy? I mean, besides the fact that the Elekid is pretty adorable to begin with, he's just got such a good nature and can-do attitude. And unlike pretty much all my other lineup Pokémon (I'm looking at you, Moloch), Elekid is really pulling his weight, despite being several levels lower than the others.

Here's a drawing I made of the two of us being friends:


On top of those, I've caught a level 17 male Goldeen (Jabu Jabu), level 15 male Girafarig (Elton), level 28 female Magikarp (Diem), level 15 female Stantler (Lily), level 16 Staryu (Starfy), and a level 16 male Seel (McLovin). I also caught that cool Red Gyrados in Rage Lake (Atrocitus).

On my Pokéwalker I've now caught a Sentret, a Doduo, and a Pikachu. The Pikachu I caught was from the Yellow Park, which was downloaded via Wi-Fi, and allegedly contains rare Surfing and Flying Pikachus. I'd say I devoted a good 45 minutes to trying to catch one of the little fuckers, wading knee-deep in yellow ratshit, to no avail. I'll try again later.

Right now I'm off to check out the Safari Zone before heading to work.

Day 14 Pokédex count: Seen 120, caught 55
Professor Oak says: You're trying -- I can see that. Your Pokédex is coming together.

It sure is, Professor!

I can talk the Pokétalk, but can I walk the Pokéwalk?

This past Saturday night, my girlfriend and I were supposed to meet up after I had finished work (around midnight). Unfortunately, there were a few mixups, near-misses, and crossed wires, all of which were exacerbated by the fact that her cell phone had died, leaving me unable to get into contact with her. Long story short, I spent a good few hours going all over the city trying to find her, firmly believing that she may have been abducted and quite possibly killed.

As night wore on and I ran from location to location, hoping to find some clue as to her whereabouts, a creeping image began to pervade my thoughts: that of my girlfriend scared and helpless, at the mercy of some street gang or psychotic killer, praying for help that would come too late. The thought sickened me, made me feel weak and nauseous, frustrated to the brink of tears.

As it turned out, she wasn't dead, had simply thought I finished work at a different time, and waited for like an hour longer than anyone would have reasonably been expected to before heading to my house. When she found out I had gone all over the city looking for her, fearing the worst, she was touched. Then I told her that the one thing that had kept me going through the ordeal, kept me strong – that one thought that kept playing itself in my head, urging me on despite wanting to break down in despair – was knowing that I was racking up some sweet mileage with my Pokémon Pedometer, or Pokéwalker.

Not so much with the touched.

So what is the Pokéwalker? It's a portable pedometer peripheral that comes packaged with your purchase of the new Pokémon, of course.

Basically, you're allowed to transfer any one of your Pokémon to the small device. Like a pedometer, it keeps track of the steps you've taken. For every 20 steps you take, you earn 1 Watt. The more Watts you earn, the more items you unlock, and the stronger your Pokémon grows. What's more, you can even catch Pokémon on the device that you couldn't catch otherwise!



For me, this is perfect. I'm about average at playing Pokémon, which is a bit depressing considering the median age among people playing this game is like negative three. However, I can safely say that I'm above average at walking around in circles like a moron. The Pokéwalker has now given me, for once in my life, an edge at something.

Consider my job: I'm a Customer Experience Representative of a major book chain. This basically means I have to walk up and down the rows of the bookstore for 8 hours a day, seeing if anyone needs help finding what they're looking for. In your average day of work, I'm walking a little bit more than 20,000 steps (that's 1 thousand Watts). Yes, I've heard that there are ways to cheat the device (thanks for the link, Eric), but I don't plan on doing that, as it goes against my Pokémorals. Hell, I don't need to do that. I even hear that walking is healthy for you. After all, I'd hate to end up like these kids.

In other Pokémon news, didn't play much this weekend, spent most of it with Rebecca to celebrate her not being dead. Two of my Pokémon evolved, though – Tokek into a Feraligatr and Moloch into a Nidorino.

Other than that, I caught a level 14 male Koffing (Cap'nTrips), a level 13 female Miltank (Cudley), and a level 16 female Meowth (Macavity). On my Pokéwalker, however, I caught an Elekid, Murkrow, Smoochum, Onix, Machop, Tentacool, Shellder, Grimer, and Voltorb.

As you can see, the Pokéwalker has been quite instrumental in my quest of catching 'em all. Of the 40 or so Pokémon I've now accrued, 14 of them have been from the pedometer. Many of them are fairly commonplace, but some I'm pretty excited about, such as Elekid. I have a feeling he's going to be in my lineup for the longterm.



This post is dedicated to my Ekans, Oberyn, who's been tirelessly racking up all these Watts on my Pokéwalker.

It's a Pokéman's World

In the past few days I've devoted to SoulSilver, I've become increasingly aware of a slightly unsettling trend to how I approach catching 'em all. It's fairly inhibiting to my progress as a Pokémaster, sure, but it's also got me wondering more about myself as a human being. Basically it boils down to this:

I don't like catching female Pokémon.

There have been a bunch of times where I've been walking through the tall grass and given the warning signs of a wild Pokémon. As the battle starts up, I'd be excited to see the silhouette of, say, a wild Slowpoke, or some other animal I had yet to add to the 'dex. The excitement would be short-lived, however, when I find out that the Slowpoke is a girl. Even though a part of me would be wanting to fail, I'd go ahead trying to catch it.

If I succeeded, I'd wonder what the heck to name a female Pokémon that's not just some dumb name like “Tiffany” or “Sharon”. And if I failed at catching the Pokémon, I'd actually be kind of relieved.



So. I don't like owning female Pokémon. What does this say of me?

My first epiphany may have been a bit of an overreaction, but it's the same reaction I have to like 75% of the bad habits I catch myself doing: “Does this mean I'm subconsciously gay?”

The answer, after thinking about it for a bit, was a fairly adamant “Probably not.”

My follow-up question, then, is the slightly modified “Does this mean I'm subconsciously sexist?”

The answer for that: “Probably. But you're also subconsciously racist, classist, and ageist, so you've got bigger problems to worry about.”

The more I think about it, though, the more my Pokébias (Pokésogyny?) seems commonplace. After all, I don't think it's uncommon that young kids generally like to own toys of the same “gender” as themselves. I mean, you give a boy two identical Stormtrooper action figures, tell him he can own either of the two, and that one of the Stormtroopers is a boy and the other is a girl, I'm almost positive he'd go for the male Stormtrooper.



And I don't think this is limited just to children. Think pets, for example. I think it makes perfect sense that in One Hundred and One Dalmatians, Roger owns Pongo, while Anita owns Perdita. And I dunno, but when I hear about males who live alone and own a female dog, I think it's kind of weird. I'm not saying there's anything weird about it, it just feels odd. Like if some dude in an action movie gave his gun a male name, like “Roger”, as opposed to “Vira”.

Okay, so I just read what I typed, and apparently I'm okay with having male pets and female guns, but not vice versa. In short, I have to sort through a few issues.

But I guess, even if I am a bit sexist when playing SoulSilver, it's not like I'm a full-fledged Psychopath. I mean, I don't go around catching Jinxes, naming them things like “Whore” and “Slut” while I force them to breed with Tentacruels at the Daycare centre. I just don't like catching females. Is that so bad?

Okay, so I just read what I typed again, and I think “I just don't like catching females. Is that so bad?” is a really weird sentence to be taken out of context.

Moving on.

Pokédexwise, it's been slow and not so steady. I kind of wasted like three hours or something crazy like that playing that Voltorb card game in Goldenrod, and the new Pokéathelon, which is pretty crazy fun. In the last two days, though, I've caught a level 14 male Pidgey (ChickenBoo), a level 20 female Sudowoodo (Willow), a level 17 female Exeggcute (Crazy Jane), a level 12 Nidoran ♀ (Hecate), and I exchanged some coins I won from the Voltorb game for a level 15 male Abra (Psycho Fox).

On top of those, I caught a Wooper, a Slowpoke, and a Magby on my Pokéwalker. I'm pretty stoked about the Magby.

But I'm not quite as stoked about the Magby as I am about catching my favourite Pokémon (or rather, the first stage of my favourite Pokémon), the Nidoran ♂. I caught him at level 12, lovingly named him Moloch, and plan to have him in my party right up to the end.



Day 6 Pokédex count: Seen 73, caught 27
Professor Oak says: You're getting good at this, but you have a long way to go.

Wait, my favourite Pokémon has a "♂" in its name?

Argh!